Big, fake Dick

So Dick Cheney is still touring the country admonishing Americans to beware of those who would withdraw our troops from Iraq, thus causing us to lose the war on terror.

Why doesn't the media call him on this and ask him to start naming names? WHO exactly is he speaking of?

I have never heard a Republican declare that we are going to leave our troops in Iraq permanently. So I am assuming that every Republican has an idea of when we will pull troops out. Is Cheney talking about them? Is he pulling a Lieberman and attacking his own party?

Of course not, but the media shouldn't let him make these vague, fear-mongering threats without being more explicit.

And as I've asked before, if this is winning the war on terror, what in bloody hell would losing look like?

It's time that the media start recognizing that this guy is a big, fake Dick.


With the rant over, does anyone remember the hair metal band, Dangerous Toys? They sang a very ridiculous song called "Sportin' a Woody." The pic above would have been the perfect image for the release of the single, no?

Odd things

Two odd statements I've made today:

"Having kids is sort of like drowning; it's…a very slow, enervating, oddly enjoyable suicide."


On my wife's nausea proving to be a stomach flu and not pregnancy:

"I've never been so happy to see a soiled toilet in all my life."

Gov't Mule

Paul Krugman makes a point in today's NYT that I couldn't agree with more:

"Apologists for the administration will doubtless claim that blame for the lack of progress [after Katrina] rests not with Mr. Bush, but with the inherent inefficiency of government bureaucracies. That’s the great thing about being an antigovernment conservative: even when you fail at the task of governing, you can claim vindication for your ideology.

But bureaucracies don’t have to be this inefficient. The failure to get moving on reconstruction reflects lack of leadership at the top.” [emphasis added]

Conservatives hate big government because big government takes money from the rich and uses it to help the sick, poor, and elderly. But you can’t run on a platform of cruelty to the less fortunate and succeed in elections (usually).

So instead of talking about their REAL beef with government (money out of the pockets of the very rich), they talk about the bugbear of “big government” and decry its supposed inefficiencies and inadequacies.

Hey folks, we contracted out reconstruction in Iraq. How’s that going? We contracted out reconstruction in Louisiana. How’s that going?

Have you not seen all the reports and articles about the billions of dollars wasted or misappropriated by these no-bid contractors and their shady government contracts?

Recently the IRS announced that it is going to use private collection agencies, even though that “solution” will cost a LOT more than simply hiring more agents at the IRS.

So “big government” is clearly more efficient that the free enterprise endeavors of Iraq and Louisiana and the IRS, and those are just three examples of many.

Bush is an incompetent leader. And when his incompetence becomes impossible to ignore, he starts trying to blame the government.

But right now, he and his party ARE the government. So if things are going poorly (and they are), it’s THEIR fault, and not an intrinsic flaw of government.

Don't fall for the lie that government is useless. Incompetent governance is useless. There's a huge difference.

Blogger qua advice columnist

I get some pretty weird emails. Normally I don’t respond to them publicly, but this one seems to warrant it.

Hey JCJenny,
Thanks for your email. Let me begin my asserting that I am not a certified therapist of any sort, nor am I qualified to assist with psychological or medical issues. But since you asked…

Ultimately, my answer is “No” to all of your questions:

-No, I am not familiar with the last two objects you mentioned, but I do not think that you should be inserting any of them into your husband’s rectum.

-No, I would not call these behaviors “normal.” Your email made me cringe.

-No, I am not familiar with the muscle you’re talking about, nor can I point to it on my body. Wherever it is, I recommend you leave your husband’s alone.

-No, I don’t think Freon will help.

-No, that is not my understanding of how the alimentary canal works.

-No, I have never looked at a stapler and had that thought.

-No, I did not open your digital photos, nor do I intend to.

-No, your husband is not wrong for seeking legal council. I suggest you do the same.

Best of luck with that. I feel icky.

Trouble with bondage

Here is an article that you would expect to be about a Cincinnati Bengal.

What concerns me most is this gem of a statement made by the woman who had the fight with the player:

"With me being pregnant, I didn't like being pushed and I was in handcuffs."

She's referring to the police pushing her. But the bigger mistake, in my opinion, is being in a bar and having a near physical confrontation with an NFL player.

Like I've noted before, these guys are dangerous. I strongly urge not crossing them, particularly if you're knocked up.

Bush & 9/11 Part 2

Someone else interpreted Rove's recent remarks in the same fashion:


Karl Rove headlined a fundraiser for Ken Blackwell in Toledo, Ohio, this week -- let's just call it a big favor returned -- and he used the opportunity to scare up the terror vote by railing against a U.S. District Court's injunction against the president's warrantless wiretapping program.
As the Associated Press reports, "Rove said the government should be free to listen if al-Qaida is calling someone within the U.S. 'Imagine if we could have done that before 9/11. It might have been a different outcome.'"
Just one problem here. Under at least one of the Bush administration's legal theories, George W. Bush "could have" ordered warrantless wiretapping before 9/11 if he'd had any interest in doing so.
While the Justice Department has argued that the use-of-force authorization approved by Congress just after 9/11 implicitly allowed the warrantless spying, it also insists that Bush had "inherent" authority to institute the program himself.
"The NSA activities are supported by the president's well-recognized inherent constitutional authority as commander in chief and sole organ for the nation in foreign affairs to conduct warrantless surveillance of enemy forces for intelligence purposes to detect and disrupt armed attacks on the United States," the Justice Department argued in its "white paper" in defense of the program. "The president has the chief responsibility under the Constitution to protect America from attack, and the Constitution gives the president the authority necessary to fulfill that solemn responsibility."

Got that? The Justice Department says that even without Congress, Bush has the authority to order warrantless spying to "protect America from attack." Rove says that there "might have been a different outcome" on 9/11 if he had done so. As another 9/11 anniversary approaches, we'll take that as an admission that Bush didn't, in fact, do everything he could to avoid the attacks.

Either that, or Bush doesn't actually have the inherent power to engage in warrantless spying without congressional approval. It's got to be one or the other; the White House can't -- but probably will -- have it both ways.

Well, fuck

So my toddler can now pronouce a reasonable faximile of "God-damn motherfucker." No idea where he gets this shit.

Which means that it's time for me to (A) curb my language, and (B) keep my kids away from potty-mouth Uncle Jason of the Gargantua dynasty.

So how do I clean up the language? I see two plans.

First, I could go cold turkey, stop cursing, and watch my blood pressure increase until it makes the vacuum of deep space seem comfy.

Alternately, I could start posting even more expletives here in a cathartic effort to work out my daily agitation.

So, are there any profane fathers (GREAT name for a band!) out there who have faced this dilemma? Any advice?

Duhhhh...

This is pretty awesome. I was just reading Gadflyer and learned that Joe Lieberman has formed a new group called Connecticut for Lieberman.

Of course, his campaign organizers are too ignorant and out-of-touch to register the domain name, so if you go to the corresponding site, you get this, which is pretty freaking hillarious if you ask me.

Go Joe!

Bush responsible for 9/11?

So here's a recent story from CNN about my good buddy, Karl. The pertinent part reads:

Rove said the government should be free to listen if al Qaeda is calling someone within the U.S.
"Imagine if we could have done that before 9/11. It might have been a different outcome," he said.

Quickly, before you read on, can you name the gigantic, preposterously titanic, galaxy-sized, 25-million-light-years wide, bigger-than-anything-that-has-ever-existed-before, mind-blowingly enormous, and impossibly gargantuan deception in that statement?

The government COULD have monitored terrorist calls before 9/11, and they could have recorded the calls first and obtained the warrant later.

The fact is, Bush wasn't worried that bin Laden was determined to blow up planes in America, so he wasn't listening to any calls on the topic.

That's the central lie in the Bush/Rove defense. FISA clearly lays out that the government CAN tap such calls whenever they want.

But to provide some checks and balances (you know, that trite concept upon which our entire country is founded...), FISA demands that the government apply for a warrant from a secret court within 72 hours of the recording. The secret court has over a 98% rate of approving recordings, so it's not like you're at risk of being turned down.

Thus, FISA never, EVER impeded Bush from thwarting 9/11. Bush could have recorded al Qaeda calls anytime he wanted, then simply applied for and received the warrant.

"It's just that easy!"

That's why Bush is in such trouble; he flagrantly violated the law when there was no need to do so. He could always record calls. He simply had to tell a secret court that he was doing it. But even that was too much of an imposition on his jurisdiction.

For my money, Rove's comment really indicts Bush because it ultimately admits that Bush failed to record phone calls that could have prevented 9/11 simply because he wanted to snub his nose at the law and our country's system of checks and balances.

So Bush had the authority to record ad Qaeda calls before 9/11. Why didn't he?

If we can impeach over a blowjob, can't we impeach over violations of the law? Or how about negligence that quite possibly allowed 9/11 to occur?

(Later update: After several emails, I feel I should clarify this point: I do NOT think that 9/11 was a Bush collusion, nor do I think that he had foreknowledge of the attack.

I'm just pointing out how disingenuous it is for Rove to act like Bush COULD have prevented 9/11 if it weren't for FISA, when FISA never, ever restricted him from recording calls.

Would Gore have taken the bin Laden threat more seriously? No way to know.)

Ditto

Someone else is calling out God, too.

After He clarifies which ethnicities should live and die, hopefully He'll take a firm stance on other issues, like the Yanks vs. the Red Sox.

Then maybe He can explain Deion Sanders' suits, and the lesson we're supposed to take away from the continued existence of OJ Simpson...not to mention Grace Slick, Carly Simon, and Ann Coulter.

Leakers

Just as we saw with the Plame investigation and other episodes, Bush disdains leakers, unless it's his team doing the leaking.

I'll take a double-standard with fries, and a large drink, please.

Day off

From time to time (particularly on days like today when I'm really exhausted), I very much appreciate it when others can do the seething for me.

Writing, meet the Wall

Still doubt that the Bush administration manipulates the terror alerts to suit its political aims?

Lamont beats Lieberman by linking Joe to Bush. This is bad news for Repubs everywhere. (Indeed, one prominent Repub recently said that he and other Repub candidates will all be wearing scarlet letters around their necks in October. And well they should.)

But within 48 hours of Lamont ousting Joe, the Bush team convinced the Blair team to force MI5 to release the information on the London terrorist plot to bomb airplanes in midflight.

Note that over a week later NO arrests have been made. Note that those picked up had NOT purchased airline tickets yet, and several of them don't even have passports.

Thus, this plan was no closer to fruition than Bush's plan for a democratic Iraq or my teenage plan to date Lita Ford. There was no reason to move on it yet.

The smart play was for the Brits to keep on watching (as they had been for 9 months) to see how things developed. They might have snagged more financial backers, more terrorist contacts, etc.

But Rove couldn't wait. He needed to stifle the bad press brought on by the Lamont upset and keep the heat off of Bush.

So he forced the Brits to totally jump the gun in order to issue another bogus terror alert. (Ever wonder what these terror alerts might do to affable, decent Americans of conscience? Check this out to see.)

Hopefully more of the traditional media members will start calling Bush/Rove on these atrocious maniupulations that seek to use fear as a political weapon.

Dishonest cowards.

Cease Lurking

I really appreciate all the email I get from folks who keep up with this nonsense. It's great to know that there are some enthusiastic readers out there. Feel free to post comments to the posts and talk to each other, too.

How you gonna do it if you really won't take a chance? By standing on the wall? Get your back up off the wall.

Draw Four!!!

Here's Keith Olberman offering a terrific timeline of all the Bush terror alerts. He chronicles the negative Bush news that preceded them and notes the amount of time in between this bad news and the alerts.

All coincidences? Hah!

This was actually one of Rove's more transparent media manipulations. It's brilliant because how can the media even THINK about not covering a terror alert? They absolutely can't. Imagine the consequences if they were to not cover the story and then (by a true coincidence) there was an attack.

Ann Coulter would be hoarse for weeks afterwards from all the invective she'd be spewing, and she would actually have a decent argument for a change.

So the terror alerts gave Rove a LOT of power... sort of like a Draw Four card in the game Uno. It allowed Rove to stick it to his critics and immediately change the topic to one that didn't undermine Bush.

Smart bastard.

Recollection

A few weeks ago I suggested that we all need to carefully assess the big "issue of the day" to ensure that we haven't fallen for another ingenious, diabolical Rove ruse. He’s the master of using misdirection to manipulate the press into discussing issues that favor Bush while ignoring those that expose his incompetence.

Consider the extensive use of the bogus terror warnings in 2003-2004. Every time something negative about Bush –or positive about Kerry– erupted, BAM, the terror alert was there. Sometimes it was simply a vague threat from a lone lunatic and other times it was a revelation about terrorists that had actually been apprehended months previously.

It didn’t matter. The point was to get the media babbling about terror and ignore stories that hurt the Bush ‘04 reelection campaign.

In my original post on this issue, I was talking about the huge non-story involving the NY Times that Rove concocted to take heat off Bush.

Now, Rove has worked his magic again.

Know what we should be talking about today? How Ned Lamont –a political unknown who had virtually zero name recognition six months ago and who should never have stood a chance against a three-time incumbent Senator– campaigned against the president and the failed Republican Congress and WON.

That’s the big story. As polls have been showing, the Republican party is done. They’ve controlled everything in this country for four years, and they have failed miserably.

They could lie about it for a while, but now the writing on the wall grows starker every day.

Off the top of my head, we have:

Katrina victims still suffering, high school kids unable to get Pell grants, seniors unable to get affordable prescriptions, the working class paying more in taxes to compensate for huge tax cuts to the filthy rich, Americans losing jobs due to corporate-written trade agreements that send American jobs to foreign soil, families suffering under the vicious new bankruptcy laws, average Americans struggling with the unchecked usury of credit card companies, parents who simply cannot afford health insurance for their families, the price of gas hurting consumers everywhere, daycare subsidies for single moms shrinking, and on and on.

Times are tough if you’re not a CEO or Republican lobbyist. Real tough.

Americans are finally starting to point at the Bush Republicans and say, “You’ve really screwed up. My quality of life is far lower than it was six years ago.”

There should be an avalanche of terrible coverage about Bush, his failed policies, and the vox populi turning against him.

That’s what we should be talking about.

Instead, by rallying support for Lieberman, organizing Republican donors for Lieberman, and refusing to endorse the Republican candidate (who has a severe gambling problem) and thus making Lieberman the de facto Republican candidate, Rove has beautifully changed the story.

Now we’re talking about the fractious Democratic party. We’re speculating about who is better for the war on terror. We’re talking about everything that Rove wants us to talk about.

And forgotten is the unthinkable upset just orchestrated by Ned Lamont who campaigned on the simple, correct premise that this country is sick of Bush and the failed Republican leadership.

Domestic abuse

The other day my wife read a book where someone said, “One child is an accessory; two is a lifestyle.” I think that “lifestyle” is a bit of an understatement.

It’s more of a prison sentence with some Gitmo interrogation techniques thrown in.

My infant definitely treats me like I’m an enemy combatant.

I’m very fond of my toddler, but that might just be victim empathy.

In either case, I definitely feel that my rights have been violated.

I tried to tell my mom on them, but she just laughed, as if I deserve what I'm getting. What gives?

Typical

Chaos is erupting all over the globe, and there's our fierce leader, on vacation and lounging at a BBQ.

When the going gets rough, go on vacation. Just like we teach our kids.

If things were going very, very, very poorly at your job and it was your fault, do you think you'd get a 10-day paid vacation?

Just curious.

Today's Question

Here's a question for you all:

The new Republican talking point is to say that Ned Lamont's victory signals that the Democrats have been taken over by peace-loving terrorist apologists who are NOT dedicated to winning the war on terrorism.

Now for the question:

If we are currently WINNING the war on terrorism, then exactly what would losing look like? Please explain.


The other night I heard someone say that the war in Iraq would be analogous to FDR attacking Mexico after Pearl Harbor. Well put.

The head terrorist (bin Laden) is still free, we're letting Afghanistan erode back into Taliban control, we've created an amazing breeding ground for terrorists by our illegal and unnecessary invasion of Iraq, we've JUSTIFIED some hatred toward America with our policies of torture and extraordinary rendition, we've done nothing since Clinton left office to facilitate peace between Palestine and Israel, and we've weakened our global military strength by dedicating resources to a non-threatening country and depleting our national income until we have enormous, insurmountable deficits.

And that's WINNING?!?@#!@#!@#??


So please, help me understand what losing would look like.

Josh Reprise

Once again, I could not say it better than Josh.

I've gotten a few emails accusing me of having a man-crush on Josh. Tough. They guy is honest, smart, and eloquent. We need more people like him.

Thank Josh

Yes! What Josh says!

The Cincinnati Republicans 2

Taking a page right out of the Karl Rove playbook, the Bengals are dealing with recent criticism over their players by....drumroll, please....shifting the blame!!!

The Bengals are sick and tired of unruly, inappropriate behavior...from their FANS!!!!

You can't make this shit up.

Olly olly oxen free!

Haven’t said anything on the Middle East meltdown because the only solution I see to this hopelessly convoluted miasma is for God to finally come clean on who really are the Chosen People.

Come on, God. Stop playing coy and let us know what people you really favor and where you would like them to live.

Also, please let us know which people are supposed to be eradicated from the planet so that we can just take care of business and lower my domestic fuel costs.

Look, it was cute the first nine or ten centuries, but now it’s just passé, ya know?

How bad is this situation? I saw a debate on cable news last night with one ardent advocate of aggressive Israeli military action and one firm believer in withdrawal and negotiations; I agreed with them both.

Yes, it is repulsive that Hezbollah is using human shields and making Israel kill civilians to get at terrorists. And yes it is repulsive that Israel is slaughtering so many civilians.

But other than getting God on the witness stand and making Him put His hand on the Bible and swearing to Himself to tell the truth about who He wants to live and die, I’m out of options.

And why doesn't Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell just tell us who God favors? Don't they talk to Him all the time?

Like remember after 9/11 when Jerry said on Pat's show that the terrorists struck because of America's support of gays? (Odd that Falwell still has credibility but somehow Fred Phelps, who makes the same argument, remains one of the demimonde.)

Or how about Bill Frist? You're telling me that the guy can diagnose severe head trauma based on 60 seconds of television footage but he can't discern who should be forever smited from the earth?

Where's that unambiguous Conservative moral compass when you need it?

The Cincinnati Republicans!!!

They already have fan merchandise for sale on the web!!!

Republical football team?

Are the Cincinnati Bengals a Republican football team? The idea struck me only because they are they only collection of people getting arrested with equal frequency.

I really want to like the Bengals, but their drafting and FA signings have been atrocious. And let's not forget that they also just wasted a 3rd round pick in the Supplemental Draft on Ahmad Brooks, who -while in college- failed drug tests and was ultimately kicked off the team for multiple infractions. The coach at Virginia, Al Groh, is a Bill Parcells guy, so you know he values character, which means that Brooks must not have any...making him a perfect Bengal.

It didn't bug me so much when they were just inept. But this new direction of collecting thugs is just bizarre and disappointing, especially for a team that played some great football last year and seemed ready to challege for a title.

If these guys ever end up at the same prison, look out. That's gonna be one hell of an inmate team.

Just to clarify, this drunken boating thing is just silly, and I don't think this guy is a thug. It's just icing on the cake after their recent collection of do-badders.

Don't forget, the Bengals tried to un-draft a guy from Florida St. that they wasted a pick on. Maybe they should have scouted him BEFORE the draft.

If they need $45 to buy some magical draft guides next year, they should call me. I can definitely help them out there, as I know the location of a secret bookstore that sells such tomes.

Night is Day

From the latest Republican playbook for the 2006 election: "Republicans are committed to protecting these traditional values by fostering a culture of life, protecting children, banning internet gambling and upholding the rule of law."

A culture of life? By invading non-threatening countries, turning our army into an occupying police force, promoting torture and extraordinary rendition, eroding environmental laws, eroding gun laws, etc etc etc???!?#?$@?$?

Upholding the rule of law? Like they were trying to do in the Terry Schiavo case?!@#!?

Classic Rove. Let's see if it sticks. The American public has seen too much actual information to fall for this garbage anymore, I hope.

Deception- the American Way

...if you're a Republican.

Read this, and then ask your Republican friends how good they feel about their party's ethical grounding.

This is from the Karl Rove playbook, actually. How wonderful that he now has epigones and disciples. Like a retro-virus just growing and mutating.

Huge fish, little pond

Do you suffer from friends and family members who are convinced that the Republican party is the party of the little guy? The common man? The underdog? The small business man?

Share this with them.

And remember, it's not an exception; it's the rule with the GOP.

Dumb pres working

Whenever I hear the "he's a regular guy" talking point from Repubs, I always want to say:

"My dad bought me a baseball glove. His dad bought him a baseball team."

Or:

"I ran my $500 hot dog stand business into the ground; he ran a multi-million dollar oil company into the ground and screwed investors to enrich himself with insider trading in the process."

Anyway, there's a zillion ways to go with it, but you get the gist. He's anything but an average guy. How this rich, elitist bastard managed to portray Kerry as a rich elitist bastard was a true feat of innominate chicanery.

Like I've said before, I have to admire Rove as much as I hate him. He says that black is white, and millions of conservatives start bleating "black is white" within minutes. Soon the news media start talking about how black probably is white (you know, if you really think about it, like they're sure the Pres has), and then the claims of a liberal media conspiracy begin...a conspiracy to keep people from knowing that black really isn't white.

They really do create their own reality, don't they? And without LSD, to boot.

Priorities

Nick Saban, head coach of the Miami Dolphins, turned down a dinner invitation with Dubya because it's the start of training camp and Saban really feels like he needs to concentrate on his team right now.

Meanwhile, much of the world is in outright chaos, the harbingers of war are everywhere, and the U.S. government is performing terribly on the economy, the environment, campaign finance reform, poverty, etc.

But unlike the coach of a football team, Dubya has plenty of time for ritzy dinners. Just like he had time for mountain biking last week.

I see a disconnect between how Bush handles his job and how the rest of us handle ours. It's almost like he isn't one of us, or is somehow a member of a feckless, elite class with little work ethic. Odd.