Olly olly oxen free!

Haven’t said anything on the Middle East meltdown because the only solution I see to this hopelessly convoluted miasma is for God to finally come clean on who really are the Chosen People.

Come on, God. Stop playing coy and let us know what people you really favor and where you would like them to live.

Also, please let us know which people are supposed to be eradicated from the planet so that we can just take care of business and lower my domestic fuel costs.

Look, it was cute the first nine or ten centuries, but now it’s just passé, ya know?

How bad is this situation? I saw a debate on cable news last night with one ardent advocate of aggressive Israeli military action and one firm believer in withdrawal and negotiations; I agreed with them both.

Yes, it is repulsive that Hezbollah is using human shields and making Israel kill civilians to get at terrorists. And yes it is repulsive that Israel is slaughtering so many civilians.

But other than getting God on the witness stand and making Him put His hand on the Bible and swearing to Himself to tell the truth about who He wants to live and die, I’m out of options.

And why doesn't Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell just tell us who God favors? Don't they talk to Him all the time?

Like remember after 9/11 when Jerry said on Pat's show that the terrorists struck because of America's support of gays? (Odd that Falwell still has credibility but somehow Fred Phelps, who makes the same argument, remains one of the demimonde.)

Or how about Bill Frist? You're telling me that the guy can diagnose severe head trauma based on 60 seconds of television footage but he can't discern who should be forever smited from the earth?

Where's that unambiguous Conservative moral compass when you need it?