Venus

I can’t believe how often NFL players are brought up on charges of “domestic violence.” What a bunch of shit. There has to be a more serious charge.

They weigh 300 pounds, bench press 550, run 40 yards in under five seconds, and consume steroids and human growth hormones like I drink water.

If those guys are coming after you, then the only charges are either “homicide” or “attempted homicide.” And I can’t really imagine one of their attempts failing, unless they regain control of the roid rage at the last second.

Seriously, these guys could rip my arms off and beat me with them before they broke a sweat.

If that isn’t at least manslaughter, I don’t know what is.