Turn up the Volume!

Hey guys,
If you’re like me, you’re tired of your woman saying, “You call that ejaculate? I wanted a drink, not a shot.”

It’s a lot of pressure. As a man, we’re expected to leave them looking like they just poured a dozen egg whites over their face. But sometimes it’s all we can do to make it appear that they drooled a bit in their sleep.

What can be done?

Now, I get a lot of spam concerning myriad pills and concoctions that will increase your volume (in a healthy, natural way, of course. I mean, what could be more natural that ejaculating a pint of semen?).

But after trying all of these nostrums (which oddly led to a lot of hair growth on the bottom of my tongue), I’ve realized that the problem isn’t dietary; it’s that we’re using the wrong technique.

That’s right. You don’t need a pill to hose her down; you just need better technique.

You see, most of us simply ejaculate at the wrong time. Admit it: you usually wait until the end of a sexual encounter to give her what she wants. But the timing is terrible because your penis is turgid and erect, and it’s hard to generate a lot of volume.

Instead, hold off for a period when you have not been having sex.

Here’s what I like to do: I drink a whole pot of coffee and about a two liters of water.

Then, about an hour later, while my penis is flaccid, not engorged, I yell, “Honey, I’m ready to ejaculate!” Then, when she comes running in and dives to her knees, I’m ready to really unload.

Forget Peter North. My technique will allow you to produce almost half a gallon in one session. Sure, the consistency is a bit off, but your awesome volume will help her overlook this.

Feel free to pass this on to your friends and save them the money of all those crazy pills. This solution really works.

And you know it’s true, because you just read it on the Internet.