Pardon me. No, seriously, pardon ME!!!

So Bush is trying to retroactively pardon himself for the war crimes he's committed the last few years, and the most corrupt, rubberstamp Congress of all time is playing along.

Please go watch this video clip to learn more.

These people are such cowards. It's amazing that they're able to pawn themselves off as brave. Whether they're hiding behind the troops, frightening people into voting for them, or trying to pardon themselves for past crimes, they are always craven and disgusting.

And where, where, WHERE are the Dems who are decrying this monstrous legislation?@!@#?@#

Torture

So the Repubs are furiously re-writing torture and detainee law as an election stunt, and the Dems are terrified to stop them. This is frightening for America.

Please, please read the following NYT editorial from today's edition. Technically, it's a pay site and I shouldn't be posting it. But it's too important for me not to post, and I bet the ~50 people who hang out here won't get me arrested over it. Anyway, read on:


Here’s what happens when this irresponsible Congress railroads a profoundly important bill to serve the mindless politics of a midterm election: The Bush administration uses Republicans’ fear of losing their majority to push through ghastly ideas about antiterrorism that will make American troops less safe and do lasting damage to our 217-year-old nation of laws — while actually doing nothing to protect the nation from terrorists. Democrats betray their principles to avoid last-minute attack ads. Our democracy is the big loser.

Republicans say Congress must act right now to create procedures for charging and trying terrorists — because the men accused of plotting the 9/11 attacks are available for trial. That’s pure propaganda. Those men could have been tried and convicted long ago, but President Bush chose not to. He held them in illegal detention, had them questioned in ways that will make real trials very hard, and invented a transparently illegal system of kangaroo courts to convict them.

It was only after the Supreme Court issued the inevitable ruling striking down Mr. Bush’s shadow penal system that he adopted his tone of urgency. It serves a cynical goal: Republican strategists think they can win this fall, not by passing a good law but by forcing Democrats to vote against a bad one so they could be made to look soft on terrorism.

Last week, the White House and three Republican senators announced a terrible deal on this legislation that gave Mr. Bush most of what he wanted, including a blanket waiver for crimes Americans may have committed in the service of his antiterrorism policies. Then Vice President Dick Cheney and his willing lawmakers rewrote the rest of the measure so that it would give Mr. Bush the power to jail pretty much anyone he wants for as long as he wants without charging them, to unilaterally reinterpret the Geneva Conventions, to authorize what normal people consider torture, and to deny justice to hundreds of men captured in error.

These are some of the bill’s biggest flaws:

Enemy Combatants: A dangerously broad definition of “illegal enemy combatant” in the bill could subject legal residents of the United States, as well as foreign citizens living in their own countries, to summary arrest and indefinite detention with no hope of appeal. The president could give the power to apply this label to anyone he wanted.

The Geneva Conventions: The bill would repudiate a half-century of international precedent by allowing Mr. Bush to decide on his own what abusive interrogation methods he considered permissible. And his decision could stay secret — there’s no requirement that this list be published.

Habeas Corpus: Detainees in U.S. military prisons would lose the basic right to challenge their imprisonment. These cases do not clog the courts, nor coddle terrorists. They simply give wrongly imprisoned people a chance to prove their innocence.

Judicial Review: The courts would have no power to review any aspect of this new system, except verdicts by military tribunals. The bill would limit appeals and bar legal actions based on the Geneva Conventions, directly or indirectly. All Mr. Bush would have to do to lock anyone up forever is to declare him an illegal combatant and not have a trial.

Coerced Evidence: Coerced evidence would be permissible if a judge considered it reliable — already a contradiction in terms — and relevant. Coercion is defined in a way that exempts anything done before the passage of the 2005 Detainee Treatment Act, and anything else Mr. Bush chooses.

Secret Evidence: American standards of justice prohibit evidence and testimony that is kept secret from the defendant, whether the accused is a corporate executive or a mass murderer. But the bill as redrafted by Mr. Cheney seems to weaken protections against such evidence.

Offenses: The definition of torture is unacceptably narrow, a virtual reprise of the deeply cynical memos the administration produced after 9/11. Rape and sexual assault are defined in a retrograde way that covers only forced or coerced activity, and not other forms of nonconsensual sex. The bill would effectively eliminate the idea of rape as torture.

•There is not enough time to fix these bills, especially since the few Republicans who call themselves moderates have been whipped into line, and the Democratic leadership in the Senate seems to have misplaced its spine. If there was ever a moment for a filibuster, this was it.

We don’t blame the Democrats for being frightened. The Republicans have made it clear that they’ll use any opportunity to brand anyone who votes against this bill as a terrorist enabler. But Americans of the future won’t remember the pragmatic arguments for caving in to the administration.

They’ll know that in 2006, Congress passed a tyrannical law that will be ranked with the low points in American democracy, our generation’s version of the Alien and Sedition Acts.

Better than I could ever say it:

Borrowed from AmericaBlog.

A very big deal

This is a huge deal.

Sunday's NY Times discussed an unreleased government report from the NIE that allegedly claims that the invasion of Iraq has HURT the overall war against terrorism.

(I've been making that argument for quite a long time, and I'm not that bright. So what does it tell you that Bush is still denying it?)

Anyway, Team Bush is denying that the Times accurately portrayed the gist of the report, but they refuse to actually release the report. Hurm...

So tell your friends about this, have them read the Times article, and get people talking about this.

This is definitive governmental proof that Bush has weakened us by his foolish invastion of a non-threatening, harmless country. Feckless fool.

More Cincy Republicans

In a bit of irony, the Cincy Republicans stole one from the Steelers yesterday. And just like a real Republican, one of them ended up arrested.

This is their 2nd round pick from 2 years ago who is already serving a 4-game suspension. During the draft 2 years ago, Thurman's immaturity and legal problems were well-known to anyone who dropped $8.95 for a draft guide.

In keeping with his usual frugal behavior, the Bengals owner apparently decided that that was too much money to invest in the draft, so they took Thurman, and look where it's got them.

I've said it before: They're basically my local team and I'm trying really hard to like them...help me out, here Bengals. Stop bringing in bad apples.

And for crying out loud, when the Steelers only rush four guys, you really need to pass protect better.

Thanks!!...for nothing...

Great compromise on torture reached by the Repubs today. So the president agreed not to re-write the Geneva conventions, but to simply keep on violating them.

In return, McCain and friends will not retro-actively legalize Bush's past violations, but will also not punish him for future, ongoing violations.

Great deal!

And I want to thank the Dems who did NOTHING this week.

Way to let the right-wing morons control the entire debate and craft an entirely ludicrous agreement that makes our country look like the criminals that Bush is turning us into.

Thanks for nothing!

Historical Evidence

Still feeling pretty lousy. Thanks for the well-wishing emails! Hope to be back to regular posting soon.

In the meantime, please make sure you read this, from the author of Lapdogs.

Historically, the only president to ever poll this low for this long in his 2nd term was Nixon, and he had criminal charges facing him.

But that's not the astounding part. As Boehlert makes clear, the crazy thing is how little the traditional media want to talk about it.

Enjoy!

E-fucking-coli

Feel like you swalled 5 live rats that are now trying to claw their way out of your guts?

You could have e-coli!

Good times. Forgive the sparse posting.

If a leader of the Democratic party were found to be a drunk, a supreme liar, and a criminal, don't you think the media would be all over this story? Of course they would, because Limbaugh, Hannity, Coulter, and the rest of the nutbags would be screaming about it.

But if the man in question is a Republican, then it's best to keep the whole thing fairly quiet.

After all, he's just a nice guy who's fallen on hard times and made some poor choices while being victimized by the liberal media and the lefto-fascists.

Poor guy. No reason to villify him though. I mean, it's not like he had sex with an intern or anything truly horrible.

Hold on to your Dreams

Just like this guy.

He's never let go of the dream. Let him be the wind beneath your wings.

Fire in the hole!!!!

(another response to a reader email...)

Hey Bev,

Thanks so much for writing! As I’ve mentioned before, my only qualification to offer advice is that I have a blog. Hell, I didn’t even stay at a Holiday Inn last night. But since you asked…

Let me start by saying that I have been performing cunnilingus for many years, and the ONLY food that has ever had a profound effect on taste and smell is asparagus.

(It’s like eating out Mother Nature. Avoid at all costs.)

Anyway, my point is that I totally agree with your boyfriend: No matter how much hot sauce you drink, your vagina will never provide him with “the burn” that he is looking for, as there’s just no way for the spiciness of the hot sauce to get to your vaginal juices.

I also agree with your boyfriend that he has a much better chance of “feeling the burn” using “the backdoor,” though I still think that you’d have to basically chug 2-3 jars of high heat hot sauce to make it happen.

I tip my jimmy hat to you for consuming two bottles of Frank’s Redhot, but really, that stuff isn’t that hot, so it’s no surprise that it didn’t do it for him.

Further, you probably couldn’t consume enough of the high heat hot sauces due to their extreme hotness, so I would listen to your boyfriend on this point and just stop drinking the stuff. It’ll never work.

Not trying to judge you, but I’m not surprised by the poor results of applying the hot sauce manually to your orifices. Your email glossed over the pain you must have been in, but the photos you attached got the point across perfectly.

And like you said, I’m sure that the ER staff has seen weirder shit…literally.

(Since viewing the pics, I can’t stop singing that Robert Palmer tune: “Feel the heat, burning you up, ready or not! Some like it hot…” I will forever think of you when I hear that song. ...Ummm, did we just have a moment?)

Anyway, here is my advice to you: Stop, stop stop!!!

Do not continue these macabre experiments for your man. Instead, go with one of these options:

A. Have him put some hot sauce in a condom…he gets the burn, you don’t. You might actually ask him to wear two to prevent leakage and still have protection against disease and pregnancy.

B. A friend once went to Japan and brought me back a “Can in a can.” It was basically an aluminum can filled with a moist sponge with a hole in it. Just push down over the penis and voila...it was just like fucking a cold, wet sponge with a hole in it. Buy two cases of these cans and a few jars of hot sauce, then tell your boyfriend to knock himself out.

C. You can also buy him one of those lifelike woman contraptions that claim to have the exact orifices of famous porn stars. Let him lather THOSE up with hot sauce and go to town. The chemicals in the sauce might break down the plastic quickly, but that’s his problem.

D. There’s a hot sauce called Red Eye that your man might like with the above options. It’s thematic, no? You could also try this or this.

So that’s my advice for you.

Now, please STOP READING and let your boyfriend know that I have added a few notes just for him. Good luck, Bev!



Dude,
Righteous fucking plan!!! Never would have thought of it. Try a ruffee first, then wash her out real good when you’re done with some Summer’s Eve and an enema!

Fire in the fucking hole, m’man! Feel the burn! FEEL…THE…BURN!!!

Ummm...

Did Rumsfeld really threaten to fire anyone who tried to plan for the occupation phase of the Iraq invasion?

Did he really lead us in there with no plan at all?

I expect we'll be hearing more about this once the traditional media outlets pick it up...or is it too risky for American journalists to cover?

Also, just got another whopper of an email from a reader. I'll be posting my response soon. Enjoy opening weekend of the NFL!

Transmogrification

It's started already! The Dems haven't even won the House yet, and they're already counting their chickens and turning into...Tom Delay Republicans!

If you follow the news at all, you have to realize that our democracy has been usurped by big corporations and even bigger money flowing to the politicians. It's why we have such anti-consumer, pro-business policies on:
-the environment
-credit and credit cards
-bankruptcy
-pharmaceutical drugs
-tobacco
-guns
-100 other things

Voters have been totally sold out by politicians in favor of big business interests.

So, with victory looming ahead, are the Dems vowing to end this disgusting habit and revitalize our democracy with tougher campaign laws, more transparency, and less influence of lobbyists?

Hell no! They're asking big business for money ala Delay and Cunningham!

Good grief. Who the hell are the good guys?!?

Learned Helplessness

With election mania gearing up, I just want to make it very clear that I vote for Democrats out of survival, not affinity.

My current fervent desire to see the Republicans thrown out of power is a reaction to their profligate, criminal actions of the last 6 years. However, you won't catch me waxing poetic about Democrats.

Remember, these chumps voted for the current credit-card-industry written lending policies in this country, they voted for the cruel bankruptcy laws we recently enacted, and they sat there assessing the political winds of invading Iraq instead of standing up against what they knew was wrong.

So they frequently embrace the very wrong side of issues out of naiveté, cowardice, or cynical political calculation. And that makes them bastards.

However, they’re better bastards than the incompetent pigs currently running this show. So vote for ‘em.

But I’m not going to be satisfied with more of their bullshit. I hope that Lieberman is just the first of many “status quo” Democrats to get their asses kicked out of the party to make room for new progressives who actually want to cause significant, long-term, positive changes to this country.

One of my favorite political activists, David Sirota, regularly rails on this point, as seen in this article. (You can also read his blog here, which I highly recommend.)

Even when the Repubs were doing well under Bush 41, Limbaugh chastised them daily for not being hard-core conservative enough for him, and he eventually helped push that party FAR to the right.

While Limbaugh is a lying drug head, I want to see the same purging and re-focusing of the Democratic party.

They have to start taking chances, showing backbone, and truly inspiring and leading this country.

Otherwise, they’ll just lose the house again in 2 years, and a lot of people are simply going to stop voting due to learned helplessness.

Happy Election Season!

Elections and NFL football...life is good. Cartoonist Nick Anderson gets us started with election season:

Mensa Candiate: George W. Bush

Here's what our brilliant leader said 2 days ago:

“We face an enemy that has an ideology,’’ Mr. Bush continued. “They believe things. The best way to describe their ideology is to relate to you the fact that they think the opposite of the way we think.”

So if they believe things, and they think the opposite of what we do, I can only conclude that we don't believe things.

Let's see Bush run on that platform:

America, We Don't Believe Shit!